Sunday 28 August 2011
Saturday 27 August 2011
1st post
So this blog is my vent a place i can get all the crap swimming around my head out to see if it helps me to cope.
Cope with what???
Cope with the fact that the woman i love is a lying manipulative whore but shes not at the same time.
Right so a little bit of background information....
My names adam and I have been in a relationship with erin for nearly 4 years and we have a beautiful little boy named logan who is the best thing to ever happen to me. Erin and myself met over the internet we talked for a couple of weeks before agreeing to meet up as she was heading down the country to visit her dad and i lived an hour away so we agreed to meet on a "this is just sex" basis.
When erin stepped off the coach i fell in love instantly, i knew this was the woman i wanted to grow old with. we slept together that night and spent the next day in bed, after that she went to visit her dad for christmas and came back to me after boxing day, erin stayed with me until the newyear, on new years eve erin told me she loved me but she was drunk so i didnt take it too seriously, instead i waited until the morning and asked her if there was something she wanted to say to me. When she said she loved me fireworks went off in my head and heart i had finally found that person i was searching for.
After 2 weeks being seperated erin asked me to visit her to which i jumped at the chance cause everyday without her sucked balls, she paid the coach fare and i travelled to liverpool to be reunited with her. i never went back to torquay, instead i moved inwith erin permenently and things were great like really great.
When my mum died erin was the greatest support i could have asked for and i dont think i ever thanked her properly for that (so if by any chance you read this erin thank you it ment alot to me having you by my side)
A part of the reason i never went back to my home town besides erin is that before i had started to talk to erin i was looking into uni coursesand st helens college had a course i wanted to do, so i stayed for erin and got to go to uni at the same time.
now while i was at uni i became an ignorant bastard i would spend days on my computer without saying a word, i know this hurt erin shes told me as much. during the 1st year at uni erin became pregnant with our son logan james (again he is so freaking awesome) and although i was doing all the daddy stuff i was neglecting the boyfriend stuff which continued to hurt erin. we continued like this until i had finished my 3 years at uni by this time all erin wanted was me to come off the computer but i didn't, instead i spent just as much if not more time on it pushing erin further away.
And then the day came when erin told me she couldnt take any more, sure we had argued about this many times before but this time i dont know why but i knew i had to let her have her way in this and instead of fighting and trying to win her back i held my arms up and said ok then if you want to end things then thats your decision. I still lived in the family home for 6 weeks during that i came to my sences and became the boyfriend she needed i would hardly use my computer and was so very attentive to her needs and it never felt forced.
ok so i didnt know how to include this bit but here goes.....
erin had always had fantasies of 3 ways or multiple partners during sex and in the 6 weeks that we were split up but living together and having a great relationshipwe had decided we would give it a go and see how we felt about it. erin did most of the work in regards to this she had talked to so many couples and not all of them was to join US some were just for her which is something i couldn't handle the idea of another man touching her without me being there scared me and upset me, so erin agreed she would only do these things with me.
when i moved out of our family home i spent the 1st few nights with erin and then she stayed down at my new place things were good and then......... I FUCKED UP.
due to erin doing all the work in terms of the whole "swinging" thing i decided i would take some action and would talk to a few couples myself maybe arrange to meet for a drink get to know these people before we decided that sex would ever be on the cards. erin didnt like the fact i had done this and ended things with me i guess permenently.
the next day Erin had told me she was going out for the day i was to have logan for the night so she could enjoy herself all good. she told me she was with her friend claire but she never went home that night, how do i know this well when me and logan woke up this morning (yeah this happened today) the milk had gone sour and the bread was green and i had no money so i tried to phone erin, it was not even 7am so i had to phone as i knew she would be asleep, i got no answer so i tried phoning the landline and no answer so i text hoping she would here it and maybe get back to me and nothing. so i was eft with 1 option to walk round to erins knock her out of bed and get some milk for logans breakfast. Erin had not come home that night how do i know.... well after 4 years you kind of learn peoples character traits erin always leaves the key in the door when she locks it, there was no keys there was no handbag in the living room.
i went back to mine and started stressing out "we had been properly split up for less than 24 hours and she was out all night whith who i dont know" so i tried logging into her email accounts to which i found on the day she ended things with me she was sending and recieving dirty pictures from some guy who lives not too far away. so obviously my suspicions are that she was with him and i cant tell her i think this as she will know i went through her emails so instead i write this blog post to get crap out my head and hopefully move past it.
Cope with what???
Cope with the fact that the woman i love is a lying manipulative whore but shes not at the same time.
Right so a little bit of background information....
My names adam and I have been in a relationship with erin for nearly 4 years and we have a beautiful little boy named logan who is the best thing to ever happen to me. Erin and myself met over the internet we talked for a couple of weeks before agreeing to meet up as she was heading down the country to visit her dad and i lived an hour away so we agreed to meet on a "this is just sex" basis.
When erin stepped off the coach i fell in love instantly, i knew this was the woman i wanted to grow old with. we slept together that night and spent the next day in bed, after that she went to visit her dad for christmas and came back to me after boxing day, erin stayed with me until the newyear, on new years eve erin told me she loved me but she was drunk so i didnt take it too seriously, instead i waited until the morning and asked her if there was something she wanted to say to me. When she said she loved me fireworks went off in my head and heart i had finally found that person i was searching for.
After 2 weeks being seperated erin asked me to visit her to which i jumped at the chance cause everyday without her sucked balls, she paid the coach fare and i travelled to liverpool to be reunited with her. i never went back to torquay, instead i moved inwith erin permenently and things were great like really great.
When my mum died erin was the greatest support i could have asked for and i dont think i ever thanked her properly for that (so if by any chance you read this erin thank you it ment alot to me having you by my side)
A part of the reason i never went back to my home town besides erin is that before i had started to talk to erin i was looking into uni coursesand st helens college had a course i wanted to do, so i stayed for erin and got to go to uni at the same time.
now while i was at uni i became an ignorant bastard i would spend days on my computer without saying a word, i know this hurt erin shes told me as much. during the 1st year at uni erin became pregnant with our son logan james (again he is so freaking awesome) and although i was doing all the daddy stuff i was neglecting the boyfriend stuff which continued to hurt erin. we continued like this until i had finished my 3 years at uni by this time all erin wanted was me to come off the computer but i didn't, instead i spent just as much if not more time on it pushing erin further away.
And then the day came when erin told me she couldnt take any more, sure we had argued about this many times before but this time i dont know why but i knew i had to let her have her way in this and instead of fighting and trying to win her back i held my arms up and said ok then if you want to end things then thats your decision. I still lived in the family home for 6 weeks during that i came to my sences and became the boyfriend she needed i would hardly use my computer and was so very attentive to her needs and it never felt forced.
ok so i didnt know how to include this bit but here goes.....
erin had always had fantasies of 3 ways or multiple partners during sex and in the 6 weeks that we were split up but living together and having a great relationshipwe had decided we would give it a go and see how we felt about it. erin did most of the work in regards to this she had talked to so many couples and not all of them was to join US some were just for her which is something i couldn't handle the idea of another man touching her without me being there scared me and upset me, so erin agreed she would only do these things with me.
when i moved out of our family home i spent the 1st few nights with erin and then she stayed down at my new place things were good and then......... I FUCKED UP.
due to erin doing all the work in terms of the whole "swinging" thing i decided i would take some action and would talk to a few couples myself maybe arrange to meet for a drink get to know these people before we decided that sex would ever be on the cards. erin didnt like the fact i had done this and ended things with me i guess permenently.
the next day Erin had told me she was going out for the day i was to have logan for the night so she could enjoy herself all good. she told me she was with her friend claire but she never went home that night, how do i know this well when me and logan woke up this morning (yeah this happened today) the milk had gone sour and the bread was green and i had no money so i tried to phone erin, it was not even 7am so i had to phone as i knew she would be asleep, i got no answer so i tried phoning the landline and no answer so i text hoping she would here it and maybe get back to me and nothing. so i was eft with 1 option to walk round to erins knock her out of bed and get some milk for logans breakfast. Erin had not come home that night how do i know.... well after 4 years you kind of learn peoples character traits erin always leaves the key in the door when she locks it, there was no keys there was no handbag in the living room.
i went back to mine and started stressing out "we had been properly split up for less than 24 hours and she was out all night whith who i dont know" so i tried logging into her email accounts to which i found on the day she ended things with me she was sending and recieving dirty pictures from some guy who lives not too far away. so obviously my suspicions are that she was with him and i cant tell her i think this as she will know i went through her emails so instead i write this blog post to get crap out my head and hopefully move past it.
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